How to Stick to Your New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year again when millions of people make New Year's resolutions, determined to break bad habits, or improve their lives by losing weight, saving money or cutting back on Netflix. But come June, only 40% of them will have stuck to it, with that number dwindling even further throughout the year.

On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. With that said, here are five tips on how to start the new year on the strongest footing: 

1. Be concrete

When making declarations, avoid vague sweeping statements like "I will be more mindful." Instead focus on the activity that is associated with that goal and get very specific:  "I will meditate for 10 minutes every day after brushing my teeth"

2. Find an accountability buddy.

A shared goal might be easier to achieve with a friend. Make a date with your friend at the gym to keep up with your health-focused resolutions. Making the new habit a social activity makes it less boring and more likely to stick.

3. Track and monitor your progress.

Keeping careful notes and data on your progress provides the necessary fuel on persevering when the new habit starts slipping. 

4. Set yourself up for success

Make the new habits easy to adopt. Remove temptations and replace them with alternatives. Would you like to break the habit of scrolling through your phone in bed, but you are used to having your phone as an alarm clock? Create a charging station outside of the bedroom and get a beautiful alarm clock for your night stand.

5. Allow yourself to fail

We are all human. We all fall off the wagon. It’s not all or nothing. Sometimes, after a long day at work, you might skip your workout, or forget to write in your journal; that doesn't mean you failed your resolutions. Just remember to start fresh the next day and keep going.

Calm your anxiety during the holiday season

With November days getting shorter, we find ourselves fast approaching the winter holidays’ festivities. In an ideal world, we would joyfully immerse ourselves in the season of love, gift giving, and celebration of life, but for many, this is the time when depression and anxiety sometimes hit the hardest. Of course, any signs of debilitating depression or severe anxiety are best treated by a qualified professional psychotherapist.

But, if you are just feeling overwhelmed, lonely or are temporarily feeling down because the holiday hustle & bustle is just too much, it may be helpful to remember that there is an anti-anxiety mechanism built into the season. It’s the very reason why we celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and Chanukah as well as festivals of Light during these darkest winter months. The reason why we celebrate these holidays is to celebrate Love and Gratitude for that Love that has kept us alive to this very day. For who really knows what tomorrow may bring. It could bring joy, it could bring sorrow, but today, in this moment, we can celebrate Love. For the Present is a present for us all to experience life together as a family perhaps, as friends, as neighbors, as part of a community of humanity.

Thanksgiving is a season of recognizing and appreciating the gift we have been given. Food itself is a gift of Love that the Earth and our hard labor have bestowed upon us. Research has proven that expressing gratitude is truly therapeutic. An attitude of gratitude stimulates the production of helpful, “feel good” neurotransmitters in our brains, as well as natural endorphins that bring upliftment and good health to our entire body. An attitude of gratitude can easily change a person’s entire outlook on their life. Simply “counting our blessings” can lead to a more cheerful and positive perspective on life in which hope for the future and positivity can exist and thrive.

Gratitude promotes feelings of contentment; it helps us feel stronger positive emotions, it increases our resilience in light of so-called failures and obstacles. With this new found strength, we are more capable of building and maintaining healthy relationships with our family members and friends. Cultivating gratitude helps us refocus on what we have, rather than what we do not have. It sharpens our senses to detect what is truly important in our lives, and where we have to maybe refocus our attention. Personally, I am very grateful for the breath of life. To me, everything that follows having life’s breath is icing on the cake.

Expressing gratitude does not have to be an elaborate process. A simple 5 minute exercise will do. To start off, try thinking of only five things that you may feel thankful for. It could be something very simple, something little like a comfortable pair of slippers that brings some joy into your life. Or it could be something more profound like the continued health of a loved one. Some people like to start a gratitude journal, keeping track of the people, things and experiences they appreciate to help them feel more grounded in the present moment. Nothing is too small or meaningless to note. Truly, counting our blessings can only lead to making our lives feel richer and more meaningful.

Starting with Thanksgiving, and following all the holidays right through to the New Year at least, try a little “Attitude of Gratitude” to mix with the holiday celebration and cheer, and I can almost guarantee you will be happier and healthier for it.

How to Help Your Anxious Teen

            Adolescence is often the time when long term issues with anxiety and depression can become more intense and isolating for our kids. Brand new experiences, the changes in their social circles and increased academic pressures can all too often expose our teens to insecurity and unfamiliar doubt.

            As parents, our intense focus on academic excellence, and our desire to help them with the increasingly complex problems they face, can often backfire by adding to their inner turmoil. Sometimes, we need to remember to step back, self-reflect, and perhaps even remove the stifling pressure of a worried parent and focus on the teens’ successes. Exploring how all the family members handle failure and mistakes can be a very beneficial exercise.

            Research has shown again and again — how we deal with anxiety, as parents, and role model it to our offspring, significantly impacts how our children view the world.

When is something good enough? How do you move on to our next goal of emotional maturation and growth? What does your say and do about when a member of the family makes mistakes?

Now may be the time to notice and improve your own attitude towards handling mistakes, maybe sprinkling the family conversation with phrases that normalize mess-ups, struggles, and shortcomings.

            Finally, teenagers also need to hear that they aren’t expected to know everything, that we can’t see into the future, and that worrying about all the issues of teenage life is perfectly normal. There is so much more life, and the great adventures of life, to come.  

September Is the New January

Did you think January is the only time to set New Year’s resolutions? Think again. In some important ways, September is the start of a fresh new year; with the temperatures dropping and kids off to school, now it’s the ideal time for a reset.

 Some religions mark the new year with September’s completion of the old year’s cycle of sowing and harvesting.

The crispness of autumn air moves people to clear out closets and garages of outgrown toys and furniture. Families are falling back into a rhythm of meal planning and eating better, as the summer philosophy of “whatever, as long as we don’t turn on the oven” falls away.  And of course, we all benefit from earlier bedtimes becoming the norm as days shorten.

 Sure, you could wait for January 1 to reflect, and make a bold new commitment to make your life better, but with the fresh chill of September in the air, why not start right now?  

Four Benefits of a Social Media Detox

Are you tired of seeing your acquaintance’s endless vacation pictures? Did your relative post an ignorant post about immigration again, and you are starting to dread the family gathering? Do you find yourself checking how many likes your gorgeous pool side cocktail got? It might be time to step back and figure out if your social media usage is benefiting you or the faceless company that created the app. 

On social media, everyone posts their most flattering selfies and best moments. It is very unlikely that anyone is going to put their horrible experiences on display for everybody to see. If someone travels around the world, they will probably post a bunch of photos of it on Instagram, but if they get fired for incompetence, they probably won’t mention it on Facebook. Why compare your life to the other’s virtual life you see on social media and feel depressed? Why compare your worst moments with everyone else’s best? Taking a break from social media will make you more content and more satisfied with your life. When you take a much needed Facebook vacation, you might discover unexpected benefits.

1. You will get valuable time back

Gone will be the endless scrolling and reacting to push notifications that makes us compulsively tap and click. Now there will be time to squeeze in 15 minutes of learning a new language while standing in a line or catching up with your favorite science fiction author while sitting at the pool. When was the last time you have finished a great book?

2. You will get rid of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

With your social media icons deleted, you will no longer agonize over why you didn’t go to the renaissance festival and had the best turkey leg of your life. No worries over why you didn’t see the latest musical when it seems like everybody from the office has taken a selfie in their audience seat. 

3. You will appreciate your life more

Without the constant flood of other people’s manicured lives, you will refocus on your own life and you can finally be free to stop comparing your lifestyle to somebody else’s exotic vacations and expensive throw pillows. Practice gratitude for your health, family, and running water without the constant comparisons. 

4. You will be less depressed

Social media usage has been proven to increase rates of depression in adults. Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh asked 1,787 American adults to report how much time they spent on 11 popular social media platforms (for non-work purposes). Most participants spent an average of 61 minutes on a social media site a day and the longer they lingered -  sharing, liking or hashtagging, the more prone to depression they seemed to be.

Using social media is a fun modern way to document your life but its addictive nature (which was specifically designed to keep you hooked) can be a true detriment to one’s life. Try a social media detox for a weekend or a day and re-discover your life in its pure form.   

Now is the best time to seek therapy

Summer is rapidly approaching in the northeast, as our days are getting longer and warmer. We are spending more time outdoors doing what we love. Many people report feeling better during the summer months, with many seasonal symptoms lifting as the weather improves. This trend is encouraging for everyone. Sometimes we may think of ourselves as fully balanced emotionally and mentally. All the dysfunctional symptomology of our winter lives has disappeared in the summer sunlight. It is important to know that in many cases, this is usually a cycle that is highly dependent on the seasons of the year and the weather that coincides with it. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) has been extensively researched for years in the medical/mental health communities. It is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons — SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. Symptoms typically start in the fall and continue through the winter months.  

We usually don't associate SAD with the beginning of summer, because the season of SAD doesn't start until the fall, but research shows that starting therapy in the summer can help build an arsenal of tools to combat depression in the fall. Early care can alleviate or minimize the symptoms of SAD that can creep up on people in September, when the sunlight starts to change and melancholy begins to sneak in. With an experienced therapist as your guide you can be prepared and ready to spot the first symptoms of depression/anxiety, and you will know how to reduce your anxiety levels and raise your overall mood going into the fall and the holiday season.  

As an experienced psychotherapist with over 40 years of treating individuals with anxiety and depression, especially Seasonal Affective Disorder, I am willing to guarantee that this year, those who engage in therapy with me will have a much happier and healthier fall and winter than previously experienced. 

May all of you have a most wonderful summer as well as a healthy and happy fall and winter.

All the best,

Dr. Al Levy

From Dirty Soil to Better Mental Health

Spring has sprung in Connecticut. We can now spend more time outside doing things we enjoy and that benefit us in unexpected ways. Gardening is proven to be a simple, fun and relatively inexpensive hobby that can be a gift that keeps on giving beyond the homegrown tomato or peas.

Gardening is a very gentle form of exercise. Think of all the raking, lifting and digging that one does. It provides a minimal workout in fresh air while putting minimal stress on the body unlike crossfit or running.

In the previous blog, I have mentioned the need to go outside and be exposed to the sun so the body can regulate its sleep cycle through the release of the hormone, melatonin. Another hormone triggered by the sun is serotonin, responsible for mood stability and regulating levels of anxiety and depression.

Gardening is a great way to meet new people and create friendships while you share stories of never-ending weeding or the joys of a great harvest. Many towns and cities have now community gardens, and they are a wonderful place to exchange tips and compare notes on how to best handle problems that every novice gardener encounters. If you are on a budget, check with your local library if they have a seed library where you can “borrow” seeds that other members have donated.

 Nothing improves the mood quite like reconnecting with nature. By cultivating an outside space that's soothing to be in, you also provide yourself with a peaceful, safe space in which you can fully relax. Even if you only have a tiny area, like a windowsill or a balcony, just having somewhere with a bit of greenery can give you a valuable chance to avoid the challenges of city living , allowing you to focus on the calming sights, sounds and scents of Mother Nature.

Protect Your Sleep in 5 Easy Steps

The Daylight Saving time change is quickly approaching (set your clocks one hour forward on Sunday March 10 at 2AM). Though it may not seem like much, this one hour change will throw some of us off our sleep schedule for up to several weeks. A full night of sleep is extremely essential to our well-being. Lack of sleep has been associated with worsening of high blood pressure and cholesterol, which are risk factors for heart disease and stroke. An increase in sleeping hours is correlated with lowering inflammation and stress hormones in our blood. Also, the so called “brain rust” which is the buildup of metabolic byproducts of brain chemistry is removed during a full night’s sleep. This buildup of iron has been now linked to early onset of Alzheimer’s disease.

Follow these tips in the upcoming days to prepare your body for the impending time change:

1. Increase your time in bright light. Go outside as much as you can and expose your hands and face to the sun. The bright natural light signals to your brain and hormones when the prime waking hours are and your circadian rhythms will adjust to proper sleep hours.

2. Minimize “blue light” in the evening. One hour before bedtime, switch off any screens and turn to a book or try some journaling. Alternatively, you could try special orange tinted sunglasses that are designed to block the blue light, or download an app such as f.lux to block blue light on your laptop or computer.

3. Go to bed 30-60 minutes before your usual bedtime to start compensating for the hour “lost”.

4. Avoid drinking alcohol and coffee. Alcohol is known to increase snoring and sleep apnea. Coffee late in the day is of course a well known stimulant and sleep disruptor. Try replacing caffeinated drinks with herbal or decaffeinated alternatives.

5. Clear your mind before bed. Think of pleasant events that transpired during the day. Resist watching the news, since that will likely raise your stress hormones. Replace stressful activities with listening to relaxing music, reading a book, taking a hot bath and meditating. Try out different strategies and find what works best for you.

New Year's Resolution & the Blues

We’ve all done it! Gotten through the holidays, and hopefully enjoyed them. And with the New Year, we’ve celebrated life, being alive, and maybe even made some resolutions. 

For me, I resolved in this new year, to love people more - to try to accept everyone just for who they are, flawed human beings, and have more compassion for everyone caught in a world filled with anger, hatred and strife. For actually, we’re all just trying to find some happiness, some peace of mind, for ourselves, for our families, in these very trying times.  My resolution to love more fully and deeply includes attempting to forgive those who have unintentionally and even intentionally hurt me, even including family members, close and further away in the mix. Acceptance, compassion, love and forgiveness comprise the art of living - giving and forgiving. These are easy words to say and often times very difficult to do, especially consistently. The intention is there, the action may or may not be. It’s all very scary really. I have already failed many more times than I have so far succeeded this year, and it’s barely the third week of 2019. 

And the blues of failure, disappointment and loss have already set in. Tommy, my 83 year old barber in Westport, one of the most loving people I have ever met, has died, moved on to another dimension of life. I already miss him. When I need a haircut in a couple of weeks, I think I’ll shave my head instead. Plus, it will at least make my dermatologist happy for a moment as he examines me.

Along with the more  normally present post-holiday blues, is there a way through this grief, this depression, the anxiety, in the attempt to really love?  So what does it take? 

I take a deep breath. I hold it equally as long as I breathed it in. Then I let it out equally as long. I wait equally as long before I take another deep breath. Nothing else matters except the breath. I let go of all else in my mind that is going on, following only the breath. I let all my emotions dissolve in the concentration on my breath. Nothing else matters but the breath. And then I start the whole process over again. Ultimately it leads to letting go of my opinions, my wants, my longings, the things of life I identify with, yet are not really who I am. And the ultimate question arises in me - Who am I?

In the meantime, we can feel more centered than before following the breath. We can feel more energy, more enthusiasm and maybe we can find a little more determination to follow our New Year’s resolutions if we chose to set them. Perhaps the post New Year’s blues and the sadness of the long winter ahead will leave us for greater peace of mind, and will lead to a more open heart. 

Happy New Year to All!

Dr. Al Levy

Footprints

Life is a journey, an exploration, an adventure. For most of us it is a predominantly joyful experience, though with many ups and downs. Where ever life’s transitions take us, it ultimately leads to the heart. 

We can sometimes feel depressed, anxious, beaten down before that adventure is complete. The journey we are on, this great odyssey, is one of finding our inner resources. Through an increasingly healthy mind, we can find our heart. From selfishness we can move together towards increasing selflessness. From pain and suffering, we can move together towards increasing joy. 

The journey is made less difficult when someone is with us who cares about our well-being, and through unconditional love knows the way back home to the heart. 

Who is it that can help us, when we are in need? Who is it that can help us when we are suffering through life’s difficulties, and we almost seem to be lost on our journey? Do you know someone who seems to have equanimity and compassion? Can you find someone who stays away from the destructive elements of daily life? Can the person reach out to you as an individual, who is trying to live in greater love and awareness of the common struggles of humanity, in order to help you find your heart, to find the inner light that can be found by any of us, and cultivated to establish real change? 

We can make fast progress, and get the help we need, traveling as far as our mentor or therapist has progressed. Three decades ago, I found such a person. She was my mentor and my teacher. She once said to me, “A person in therapy can only be helped as far as the therapist has gone.” She knew the way home to the heart, and beyond into the depths of the inner Self. 

This inner journey is the key to true health of mind, body and spirit. It is a great honor to be invited to help an individual, a couple, a family to find their way back to themselves, and to travel it together, for awhile.